A second chance

Just revived from a major heli crash and yet I felt weird. I was supposed to die and yet here I am sitting in front of me lappy, updating my blog.

I still remember the crash and everything, as if it was still yesterday.

People often mistaken me for being a hero and strong cos I was able to seemingly get away from my head trauma though in reality I still feel bad and sad.. depressed whenever I recalled how everything went...

My dad kept on repeating how he was grateful cos im still alive.. and hoped that i would carry on with my military career.

I wanna quit actually.. I dont have that "character" as a military personnel though I am physically fit but when it comes to other aspects of military, I am at my weakness!

My own peers even detested me and told me that I am just a nuisance to them..

I really wished I died during the incident.

I dont wanna see my friends.. I never feel comfortable talking to them.. even on the first day..

MAYBE BECAUSE I AM WEIRD !

They say Im funny and I make their day. In fact they are laughing at me.

They say Im a part of the team. In fact they knew Im worthless and they will give me easy job during jungle trip.

I just feel sad to know the fact that I have so many weakness all this time and all of them are exposed in the end..


I have no idea why I am still alive.


I am the one who is supposed to be out of breath and yet YOU gave my soul back and GAVE me chance to live in this cruel world.



You Know better God..


You Know better..