Down to memory lane

Long long ago, ..
I was so naive back then, I didnt know whats internet, I didnt know how internet would change my life for a lifetime.

It was so crazy when i looked back at how naive I was in the past.

I met so many interesting things. I did a lot on internet, first time talking to people online was the first thing that changed my life 360 degree !!

First time talking to them really got my English changed for the better, I had the nerve to talk to any english speaking people online because it was a great deal of challenge talking to them since they didnt know any malay at all. AT ALL !!! But my english got improve later on.

Then I met mygamma, that was when I got my first cheap HUAWEI 3G handphone, backthen it was a craze. Since it was a flip cover handphone, people were like OMG ~~~ a flip cover handphone.

                                                                LOL

Anyways, I met with lots of LOCAL online girls, joined groups, talked and laughed with them. Luckily I didnt get myself into danger like talking to wrong people or got influenced behaviourically (not a word i know so fuck off !! )

Then I met si AYOY, then i met si BUBBLE, and later after that, i met si RUBEE. And until now , the only LOCAL online babe that I still in touch with is si RUBEE. Back then she was still a kid, aged around 16 somewhere that range. ANYWAYS, we talked, chatted, and slowly get into relationship. THen at one time, I left her cos I was like fucking busy with my exam and she didnt know that she was the cause of me failing this one SUBJECT cos I was like fucking chatting with her all night and I didnt read a single paper.

                                                             MY FAULT

ANYWAYS, at the time I left her, I did tell her that i will be like going back to her again after the exam finished, and to which I really did, not until I saw her status, it was like:

OMG... im nothing, leave me alone.... huhuhuhuhu

And I was like the fuckkkkkk.

SO being so childish and indecisive BACK THEN, I left her just like that. It wasnt my fault ehhehehe

Soooooo we still in touch back then and she told me she would wait for me and blah blah blah and even though I acted like I dont care but in fact I really fucking CARE. I told people around that shes my gf blah blah blah and people were fucking conviced !!!

And one time, I passed my A level, then my UBD, then I joined the Army, at one time:

I realized she told me that she has a facebook and she wont show to me cos she was "concerned" I would go all jealous when I see that picture (when she said jealous, I knew she was trying to hide some fucking truth) and I said "No prob" then she showed me her facebook, accepted my request and BOOOM !!

                                               A LIFE TIME TURN OVER

It was like a mortar attack, bombarded straight at me.
It was like Artillery Commander ordered a direct order to hit a million missiles straight on me.
It was like I was tied to a three, and a line of soldier aiming their loaded and readied M16A2, and they are about to shot me after the commander FCO.
It was like I was doing my BFT and I got struck by lighting rapidly.

                         IT WAS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING  MOMENT BACK THEN

All the memories, all these while, all the promises, so many fucking times, all this time..

My dream, all CRUSHED DOWN, CRUMBLED BY THE LIGHTNING STRIKE OF JEALOUSY

I was told that this guy who happened to be the guy she is with UNTIL now, proposed her when si RUBEE gave him so councelling.

                                                            AND I WAS LIKE WTF?

Well .. its kinda sad lah..

Not later that moment when I realized her with the guy, she said to me "you are just a fantasy guy to me. Leave me alone. I want to forget you !!"

She told me she was confused when I talked to her since I hadnt talked to her in quite a long while.

Blah blah blah.

when suddenly

                                      20th JULY 2012 HELI CRASH, 12 died, 2 survivor

I WAS one of the survivor.
I WASNT happy i survived.
Why cant it be my other skots yg survived.


                                                        WHY FUCKING ME????

                         WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE AGAIN IN THIS CRUEL WORLD TO SEE HER WITH                                                      THAT FUCKING MAN AGAIN !!!!

                                   AM I FUCKING NOT ENOUGH WORTHY TO DIE !!!

                                                    WHYY ???????????????????????


Its not that I dont want to live.. I am happy to live. I was happy because I got into the accident so that I wouldnt see her again with me and that she would forget me. At another side of my life, I would think again about my family. Who is gonna support them.

                                                          SO I WAS CONFUSED.

                                                            TO LIVE OR TO DIE.

That was when the unforgetting moment I pushed myself up and that did change everything.

I pushed myself up to change history...

===============================

Here I am..

Now shes obsessed with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend has been helping her eversince.

From the start si RUBEE being a student in Lambak Kiri and until she got the in BSP, it was si BOYFRIEND punya effort.

He was always there when she needed the fucking help at most.

He would go all the fuck from KB just to see her.

He would see her when she didnt reply her msg.

He was always there with her family.

THE PRESENCE that changed her rusty heart gradually...


So comparred to a JACKASS who did nothing to her, I am just an OUT SIDER

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA




SO that is why, I made to this point that...

Me and Her is just going to be a simple relationship,

as a MERE FRIEND.

I did tell her back then that she will be my friend and she was crying all over but girls tears only last a few days.


ANYWAYS,.. latest update is that:

She flooded her instagram photo with her pic with him
She flooded her facebook status with the so jiwang status about him.
She has his pic on her hp despite what he did to her.


BASICALLY, Im just a mere friend and that I made a conclusion that I wont stay in touch with her macam dulu lahh...

Its gonna be like kadang2..

I used to worry about her so much that I would sacrifice my fucking seconds of my life checking on her FB status,

what do i get?

FUCKING NOTHING !


BUh bye.

THanks anyways for reading my FLAMING RASENGAN OF TEXT in this dusty muddy blog.

Been a while updating my blog. Now that its holiday, I got the time.


buh bye fuckers.